Saturday, May 16, 2009

Bitter Sweet

Braden is now 9 months old.

He has not woken up in the middle of the night and eaten in the past month.

This is a good thing, right? He's obviously old enough to be sleeping through the night.

So here's my question?

Why and I still waiting for it? And why am I sad thinking that it's not going to happen anymore?

Of course not having to get up in the middle of the night is great and I can tell I am more refreshed during the day. However, I really do miss it. I miss the cuddling. I miss nursing in the dark, just him and me. I miss being all cozy under his big blanket with him. I miss holding his little hand as he squeezes my finger. I miss those 10-20 minutes of just looking at him. I miss spending time together, just the two of us. I think knowing that it's just another step towards growing up is also part of the reason I didn't want it to stop. I know this may sound crazy, but I don't mind getting up at night to nurse a baby. I don't care that I don't get to sleep for more than 3 hours at any given time. I miss it.

Apparently it's time for me to face the facts. My late night dates with Braden have come to an end. Am I crazy for feeling like this? For being completely sad about my baby finally sleeping through the night? I know there has to be other mommies out there that know how I feel. Especially with a second (or third, or fourth...) baby when sometimes the only one on one time you ever get happens to be at 3:00 in the morning.

So as not ready as I may be for him to be sleeping through the night, I might as well enjoy the sleep because I think it's here to stay. Maybe tonight when I get up in the middle of the night I can stay in bed and not go up and peek on him thinking "well maybe he's up and just forgot to call for me."

Or maybe not. We'll see. :)

At least I can look forward to this...

...and this in the mornings!

Speaking of Braden and sleeping, apparently this is how he likes to fall asleep almost every night now. :)

Is there anything better than watching a sleeping baby? Seriously, I love it!


Bethany said...

It's strange how bittersweet sleep can be. Baby smells, snuggles the little sighs. There never seems to be enough. But who knows, maybe teething will hit and he'll need you! :)

dan and rachel said...

it's hard to watch them grow up sometimes! jude slept in our room forever and when he finally started sleeping in his own room last summer, i felt sad, too. it was bizarre. but then i quickly got over it when i realized how much i liked having my room back! haha!

Amanda said...

lol I felt the EXACT same way with Parker... as a matter of fact, he slept in bed with me until he was like 14 months!! (Bad mommy, I know)

But with Audrey, who sleeps through the night almost every night and has for a couple months now (shes only 5 mo!) I don't mind the break... If I do have to get up with her, its ok...but if I don't I'm not sad like I was with Parker.

So, you are NOT alone... youare an EXCELLENT mommy who has so much love to give!!

God bless-

Gramma said...

You started sleeping thru the night when you were 4 weeks old Laura. That had been our only time to play, talk and cuddle...I understand!!!